Author: Mike Green
The purpose of this little volume is to help the Christian counselor gain a better understanding of the interview process. We will share some simple but effective communication skills that should help demonstrate to the counselee that the counselor hears his pain and can assist him in gaining the healing he desires. Remember, the counselor must provide the counselee with a safe, secure environment in which he is free to share his most private behavior, thoughts, and feelings. He must be reassured that the counselor is listening effectively. He must be confident he will be not be criticized or judged by the counselor. When the counselor demonstrates this kind of listening skill, the counselee will openly tell his story. In the chapters that follow, we will present some simple but effective skills to help the counselee tell his story. We will begin with a discussion of Body Language and Affect. It is our hope and prayer that our heavenly Father will bless you with compassion, discernment, and wisdom as you assist Him in the two fold ministry of bringing healing to the broken hearted and setting the captives free.
The book contains the following Sections (and Appendicies):
Did you know that a person gives you information about himself before he speaks a word? The posture he assumes when standing, sitting, or walking is a good indicator of such things as his present mood, his level of self esteem, and his fears. This physical expression will also tell you how he feels about you. There are many subtle nuances of Body Language. Some of the more obvious postures are easily recognized.
For example, as a child, did you ever see one of your parents (or any authority figure for that matter) standing in front of you, feet spread, knees locked, hands on hips, eyes glaring, lips tightly pressed together? How did your Body Language respond? Not a pretty picture, is it? The impression a child gets when he sees such Body Language is that something bad is about to happen. He may think there is a volcano rumbling inside the adult staring down at him and any minute it is going to blow up, spewing all manner of scalding verbal lava in his direction! Remembering such scenes may make us chuckle now, but it probably was not funny then. For those who have been on the receiving end of an angry parent's verbal or physical abuse, it may have been frightening and painful.
Now look at a different scenario. This time it's two teenagers of opposite-sex sitting on the couch in the living room. Sitting sideways facing each other, they are close, but not too close. One leg is drawn up on the couch and one foot is on the floor. One arm is up on the back of the couch stretched out toward the other. The other person's leg and arm are in the same position and their fingers are slowly creeping toward each other. Eyes are darting here and there around the room and remaining fixed only for a moment at a time. This scene presents a quite different Body Language than that of the child and parent in the first scene. The first scene generates fear. The second scene generates the "warm fuzzies."
Body Language in the ministry session is just as revealing. How the counselee sits in a chair, where his feet are, where he directs his gaze, the position of his arms, what he does with his hands, are just some of the many different and revealing ways a counselee can speak to the counselor silently. Let's look at some of these now and find out what they mean.
(Continued)
During the interview try to remember the counselor's goal is to help the counselee tell his story. A key to help you stay focused during this dialogue process is remembering that you want to "get more information." There are two different types of questions we can use to accomplish this task. They are Open Questions and Closed Questions. Open Questions draw the counselee out of himself and into the ministry relationship. Closed Questions keep him closed off from the counselor and locked inside his personal prison.
Whenever possible avoid using Closed Questions. Simply stated, a Closed Question is one which encourages either "yes" or "no" for an answer. In the effort to draw the counselee out and encourage him to tell his story, the counselor should ask questions that help the counselee talk. A Closed Question, being one that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no," "closes" the counselee's opportunity to give more information. A Closed Question is closed because the counselee can answer "yes" or "no" without giving any personal information.
Look at this example. If the counselor wanted to gather information about the counselee's religious background he might ask, "Did you go to church as a kid?" The counselee could answer "yes" or "no" depending on his situation. Such a simple answer does not give very much information about the counselee's religious or spiritual background. The answer is quite different if an Open Question is used. For instance, "What was your church experience like when your were a child?" The counselee can't answer "yes" or "no." To answer the question he must offer some personal information. Even if the counselee is reluctant to share, an Open Question empowers him to respond with more than "yes" or "no." Then, based on his response, the counselor can follow up with another question that allows the counselee to build upon what he has already shared. No matter how the counselee answers, the counselor remembers that he wants to "get more information" from the counselee.
(Continued)
For additional information about Effective Listening, or any of our other resources, or to order, please contact Proclaiming His Word.